“Me” isn’t a word used much in the mom vocabulary. We’re so busy pouring ourselves into our family that we forget to take any time for “me.” Our planners are packed with practices, appointments, meetings, and activities. The reality is that if you don’t take time for yourself, you’re suffer both mentally and physically. It’s so important to carve out a little time for yourself. We’ve got ten ways to make that time for yourself. You’ll feel relaxed, regenerated and recharged.
1. Say No
Saying no makes us feel bad. We feel bad if we don’t volunteer for the bake sale, meet the girls for lunch or attend three birthday parties in a weekend that we’re letting everyone else down. The only person you’re letting down is yourself. Remember that your time is valuable. Sometimes you simply don’t feel like going to one more thing. Sometimes you’re spread so thin that you need a break. These are the times to say no. If you don’t, you may explode. Sometimes you just want to stay home in your pajamas watching an old movie. If you still feel guilty after you’ve declined an invite, offer to help in other ways. If you don’t want to volunteer for that bake sale, tell them you’ll pitch in the next event and do even more. If you don’t want to go to a friend’s birthday dinner, send over a card and wine. “No” doesn’t have to be a scary word. The harsh reality is that no one really cares if you do all of these things anyway.
The world isn’t going to stop if you say no sometimes. Declining invites is often hard for moms because we don’t want to cause conflict. We’re also afraid we might disappoint someone else. Most of your friends and family understand when you need to decline something. If someone doesn’t understand, they aren’t worth your time and effort. Most people know the world doesn’t revolve around them. You can’t be at every event. You can’t give of yourself for every volunteer effort. Saying no is a superpower in itself. It would be so easy to just say yes to every single thing, but your mind and body will go into a burnout mode soon. The world will keep spinning if you have to do bow out at times.
2. Workout Alone
Get to the gym, a walking trail or your street. Move a little without the kids running after you. Sometimes it feels great to just clear your head with some loud music and your cardio equipment. Other times we enjoy going for a walk without anything but the birds chirping. We’re able to hash out our day. We can ponder the meaning of life. We can think of the birthday party decorations we need to buy. Working out without everyone bugging you gives you the freedom to do what you want while you burn some calories. You’ll also boost your endorphins making you a lot happier once you return home. It feels great to get in a good sweat. Your mind is refreshed and your body is full of power. You’re ready to tackle that to do list. Sometimes you’ll be in the middle of a workout and forget all about the day’s problems.
Those are the best escapes. Sometimes you’re just so deep into what you’re doing that you don’t think about what needs to be done. Yoga is a a great way to workout alone. You get to meditate and go to a place of zen. You get this escape away from all of your stresses. Find your favorite workout and jump in. If you love to hike on a nature trail seeing the beauty around you as you walk, find a local trail. If you love to listen to a podcast while you’re on the treadmill, tune in. Take this time to get into a workout, burn some calories and escape reality. Your mind and body will thank you.
3. Delegate
A good leader knows how to delegate. Ask those around you for help. Most moms hate asking for help. We think we can cook dinner, take the kids to three different activities, go over some work, watch a show with the spouse, and walk the dog all in one night. Sometimes it just can’t be done. We wear ourselves thin trying to wear all of the hats. Ask others to help you do these activities. Tell your spouse if you feel like you’re drowning with responsibility. Hire a babysitter for a night. Get yourself a virtual assistant. Hire someone to clean the house once a month. Yes, mom are superheroes. Superheroes need to take their cape off every now and then. They have to rest or they can’t go on saving the world. One secret to delegating is using the kids to help. If they’re at an age to help you clean, give them some chores. Think of how much time you spend folding laundry, cleaning toilets and working on your lawn.
You can free up this time by delegating some of these responsibilities to them. Sometimes they love helping out. They don’t always think of these things as chores. You don’t need to take on every task in the home. Delegating tasks gives you the power to make time. You can think of other things to delegate outside of your home. Your child may need extra help on homework. Get them a tutor. You shouldn’t spend all of your free time trying to figure out their homework. Another way to think about delegating is to think how you spend your money and time. Calculate what your time is worth. Get your hourly rate by cutting the last three zeros off your annual gross salary. Cut that number in half. This means if you spend three hours of your week cleaning the house, you pay yourself $90. It only makes sense to delegate this chore to a house cleaner.
4. Take a Little Time
You have 24 hours in a day. You can find a few minutes of that day to devote to yourself. It may seem stacked with activities. You may think you can’t even take three minutes out to go to the bathroom by yourself. You have to make time. Even if it’s five minutes of the day, take time for you. Do something during those few minutes that makes you happy. You can jump in the shower, sit in your car alone, sing a song, and/or go on a walk. As long as you get in just a few minutes of time when you’re not devoting yourself to others, you’re winning. You’ll feel so much better after these five minutes. Think of it as recharging your cell phone. You’re a dead battery until you plug yourself in. These minutes can be found before everyone is awake, stuffed in the middle of day or after everyone is asleep.
No matter when you find those minutes for yourself, it’s important to do something that brings you joy for a little bit each day. One way to assess your time alone is to go over it each week by yourself. Set aside those few minutes to go over all you have accomplished in your week. During these few minutes, decide what worked for you that week. Take out what didn’t work for that week. This reminds you that it’s impossible to do everything, but you can take time out for yourself and everyone still lives. Be realistic in this list. When you’re realistic about what all you do for yourself and others, you’ll reap the awards.
5. Prioritize Your Schedule
Having time for yourself often starts with planning. Your planner is full. We know this. Your organize schedule full of activities might stress you out looking at it, but it leads to a productive life. You get to see things in real time. This means you can set time aside for yourself. You can squeeze in those precious minutes. Prioritize what is most important. You then get to decide when you want to say no. You can decide which things you can delegate. You can move things around so you take time for yourself. You know missing your son’s soccer game isn’t going to happen. You can just pencil in some time for yourself after the game.
Make sure to stick by your schedule. You’ll feel a lot better once things are literally spelled out in front of you. You also may try to shy away from the things at the top of your list. Tell yourself that it’s like a real meeting. You cannot change it. You cannot cancel it. You can’t win a game in life if you haven’t figured out a strategy. This is why prioritizing what is important to you will keep you on top of the game of life. Your family is number one in your book, but you need to decide what comes after this. You have to be high on your own list or you get lost. You can even write down a wish list of things you want on your own list. This way you’ll try to include these things in your alone time. Focus on those at the top of your wish list. It’s hard, but you can prioritize yourself at the top of your list.
6. Reschedule Your Life
You’ve figured out how to prioritize your life. You have time. Now you need to figure out how you want to schedule your energy. Write down a few “non-negotiables” and make sure your schedule is clear for these things. You know you need a certain number of hours of sleep a night. You can then throw in a schedule of however many hours of exercise you want a week. If you want to go shopping one day a week, make sure you allot time for it. This way you have things on your schedule that you absolutely have to do as well as things on your schedule that you love to do. Your daily life is going to be packed with all sorts of things you have to do. When you write down things you want to do, and include them in your schedule, you’ll make time for them.
You will probably try to make excuses because you feel guilty, but stick to the schedule. It’s in writing so tell yourself you just have to follow it. Make sure to only write down realistic things. You probably can’t go on an exotic vacation every month, but you can make time to roam around Target once a week by yourself. Try writing down tasks that don’t take much brain activity at first. This will let you ease into the things you enjoy without so much guilt.
7. Relax
Relaxing isn’t easy for moms. We have too much to do to relax. If we do relax, we feel as if we are doing something wrong. Even if you find time for yourself, you often don’t use it to your full advantage. Find what is relaxing to you. This might mean reading a book. You might enjoy yoga. You might like to have a monthly massage. Some people pour themselves into baking or gardening. Find the thing that makes you feel zen. You probably aren’t relaxed with the kids following you or as you’re taking them to different activities. Don’t forget to chill out. Relaxing shouldn’t make you feel guilty. You’re on the go most of the day. You have permission to sit back and relax sometimes.
Relaxing doesn’t mean you’re lazy either. Think of marathon runners. They need to take little breaks or they won’t finish the race. They need a drink of water sometimes. You’re a marathon runner. Moms never stop. They think of everyone else that needs to take a break before they stop running themselves. Remember to relax or you’ll stop during the race. Remember to take that drink of water or you’ll give up. There’s a reason every bath and body place loves to market to over-stressed moms. They know you need to relax. There’s a reason many moms are gifted relaxation items for special days. Everyone knows she needs to take a break. If everyone else knows you need to take a break, you should take the hint and sit back with a refreshing cocktail enjoying every sip.
8. Give Yourself Permission
The world gives you permission to take time for yourself. The problem is that most moms don’t give themselves the same permission. We feel guilty letting the laundry sit in a pile. We feel guilty not having dinner in the oven every night at a certain time. How dare we take time to refresh? You have to give yourself permission without feeling that guilt. Let the laundry go. It’s going to be there tomorrow. If you want to sit and watch your kids play or sip a cold beverage on the patio, let yourself do it. In the big picture, these are the things that matter. The dishes won’t matter next year. You won’t feel guilty on your 100th birthday that you didn’t do the dishes that one time.
It’s about giving yourself a “time out.” You get to relax without guilt. When you do this, your entire perspective is changed for the better. You may feel selfish for not feeling guilty, but you have to view your time alone as a necessity. Your time alone is your wellness. You have to change the way you think from “I’m guilty,” and “I’m selfish” to “I deserve alone time” and “I’m worthy.” Don’t let yourself bow out of things you need because you feel like you owe the world your time. Your personal wellness is the most important thing for your family.
9. Turn Electronics Off
Stop scrolling. Put your phone down. Step away from your computer. You might get on the computer thinking you’ll check one thing. You find yourself an hour later writing e-mails. Sometimes you get on your phone to check the weather. An hour later you’re watching YouTube. You might enjoy these times for yourself, but social media isn’t really about you. You don’t need to read the latest Instagram or Facebook drama. It’s fun, but it does nothing for you. Put down the electronics and jump into something that brings you joy. Joy can be found watching a television show for a little bit, but being a couch potato won’t bring you joy. Binge watching Netflix might be fun for a few episodes, but you’ll get tired of it after a while. By turning off the electronics in your life, you force yourself to do other things you enjoy. You get out in the fresh air, you go to the store, you watch a sunset, and you do things that bring you happiness on the inside.
Another thing to remember when it comes to electronics is that you don’t have to be available for everyone else every second of the day. You’re allowed to disappear for a few minutes. Many times we worry that if we don’t quickly answer someone’s text message or email them back, they will get angry with us. We worry we’ll miss out on something special. We feel guilty for the one hundredth time. The world is not going to end if you don’t have your phone. No one is going to leave you as a friend, you won’t lose your job over a missed email and you won’t miss the invite to the Royal Wedding. You can have peace of mind knowing that you can put away the electronics, and nothing is going to happen. You can live in the present a little more. You can look up from the screens to enjoy the world around you a little more.
10. Get Creative
Creativity is a mind of its own. You make it what it is. From cooking and gardening to dancing and drawing, being creative is an outlet. No matter what you do, being creative lets you express yourself. You get to engage in something fun. By doing so, you’re decreasing your anxiety and stress levels. Your cooking might not be on a show anytime soon. Your painting might not sell for millions of dollars. It doesn’t matter. You’ll feel better getting your creative juices flowing. Even if you don’t think you’re a creative person, you’re getting out emotion in your creations.
This is also a time for yourself where you can actually think. If you can’t just sit down and be creative, create a challenge for yourself. Push yourself to follow this challenge. Kick off this creative challenge by making yourself do something creative each day. This may mean you have to take five minutes to draw a photo, bake some cupcakes and/or write a few lines in your journal. The goal is to make a balance work between your creative and personal life. You’ll notice this creativity challenge is therapeutic. You’ll see yourself growing mentally as your creative time flourishes. The point of creativity is to have fun while letting go.
Taking time for yourself is one of the most important things you can do for both yourself and your family. You need to be fully charged as a mom. You’re always going to be “on call.” Someone usually needs you. This means you need to be ready to face any challenge thrown your way. Get your alone time so you’re ready to handle life. It’s okay to have a little fun. Remember you were once a child. It’s okay to think and play like them at times. Your life will forever change once you take it by the reigns.
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